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If Santa answered letters honestly...

Dec. 12th, 2006 | 03:03 am

Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.
I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare.
How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.
At least HE can spell.

Santa



*****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa


****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom,
who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream.
Let me send you some Legos instead.

Santa


****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog,
a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay.
I'll set you up with a Barbie.

Santa


****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face
when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
Leave me a bottle of Scotch.

Santa

****************************************************
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping,
do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible?
Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.

Santa

****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please,
PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks,
but that crap doesn't work with me.
You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

****************************************************
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house.
How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop callling yourself "Marky",
that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school.
Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent
apartment complex.
Third, I get inside your pad just like the bogey man
does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams,
Santa

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Disgusting habits

Nov. 14th, 2006 | 02:33 pm
mood: busybusy

So one of my LJ friends had the NERVE *jk :)* to ask about bad habits everyone has to put up with from their other half. I could write a novel. A horror/gore novel. Here's a sneek peak:

1. Gas, all day every day
2. Groaning when sitting, standing and the few times he actually bends over ot pick something up off the floor
3. Ball scratching
4. Using MY razor *vomit*
5. Leaving wet towels where ever
6. Putting dirty laundry on top of clean laundry
7. Leaving clean laundry on the floor, bed, dresser top, everyone EXCEPT where it belongs
8. Running the dryer 5 times before I get the stuff out and fold it
9. Running the washer and leaving it until I rerun it and change it 4 days later
10. Leaving candy wrappers where ever
11. Leaving empty cups, soda cans, bottles where ever
12. Not rinsing out dishes especially bowls full of whatever condiment he used to drown his food in
13. Bringing me dishes AFTER I'm done with the dishes
14. Ignoring the kids ALL DAY
15. Pissing on the toilet seat or...
16. Leaving the toilet seat up *seriously, I would rather have the seat left up then down with pee all over it*
17. Toe nail clippings by the KEYBOARD
18. Crumbs in the KEYBOARD
19. Bitching and moaning any time I ask you to do something for either me or the kids
20. Just breathing...

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Korbens birthday

Nov. 11th, 2006 | 02:25 pm
mood: contentcontent

Pictures from Korben's birthday at home *Only a month later :)*

The cake with his name spelled wrong

Rain ate cake but Korben didn't. He only wanted to play with the truck on the cake

Opening presents, mostly dinosaurs

Playing with the new toys

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*vomits*

Nov. 3rd, 2006 | 08:30 pm

On just about every MSN page I view to there is an ad for John Mayer along with a picture of him. He has got to be the ugliest musician ever. He looks like a drag queen and not a very good one.

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(no subject)

Oct. 23rd, 2006 | 09:11 pm

I was rocking Rain to sleep and I laid my cheek on top of her head.

I feel asleep.

When I woke up 15 minutes later, I had drooled all in her hair.

Tomorrow is definetly a bath night.

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Junk

Oct. 14th, 2006 | 06:18 pm
mood: bitchybitchy

I should know by now not to shop when I am hungry :( Last night I bought Orange Cupcakes, pumpkin cookies, strawberry rolls, lindt truffles and sandies fudge drops. We got home and I thought 'it will take me 3 weeks to eat all this crap'.

MIL is taking Korben for the night. Tomorrow is the big party at Chcuk E Cheese. She calls and leaves a message asking me to look for some coupons online for her for CEC. I am thinking why does she need coupons? I am buying everything tomorrow and I have coupons for it. So I suspect she is going to take Korben tonight after she picks him up cause that is totally something she would do. I am about to call her and ask and if she says yes then I am telling her no. He is going to be there for 3+ hours tomorrow he does not need to go tonight as well.

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Movies and TV

Oct. 13th, 2006 | 11:13 pm

Movies I have seen lately:

Aquamarine - I don't know what possesed me to rent this but it was a cute movie.
Just My Luck - Ugh, I know Lindsey Lohan. BUT I liked this movie. It was funny and Lohan is actually a pretty good actress. The main guy however was ugga.
Thank you for Smoking - I liked this. Somebody's got to do the dirty work. I really liked the main actor, he was great.
Something New - Again, I don't know why I grabbed this movie but it was pretty good. *Don't take offense to this* I thought it would be one of those 'black' movies, which since I am not black nor do I pretned to be black or know how it feels to be black I don't really get a lot of the humor in those movies but I got most of this.

I thought I had more movies then that but nope.
Now the TV schueldes this season are crazy. All my shows are on Wendesday and Thursday. Can't they spread it out a bit?

Sunday - DH - I am getting tired of this show
Monday - Nothing
Tuesday - Bones - Love it and it's getting good too bad it's on hold until Baseball is over :(
Wednesday - Jericho - I like the whole plot for the show but I feel it is going to be cancelled. Skeet and the blonde chic are awful actors.
Lost - HELLO?!? AWESOME!!!
Project Runway - I just started watching this after catching all the old ones on Sundays and it is over very soon :(
Ghost Hunters - So glad this is back on.
Thursday - Grey's Anatomy - Like it. Meredith can be annoying but all the others make up for it
Survivor - It's been pretty calm so far this season but still good
CSI - LOVE IT! All the eps so far have been awesome
Ugly Betty - I like this one I just hope they don't do the predictable 'she becomes hot and the boss falls in love with her' crap
Friday - Nada

Wed. and Thrus. make me sooo glad I have a DVR or I would have to choose which shows to not watch and I would go crazy.

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The Guessing Game

Oct. 12th, 2006 | 09:02 pm
mood: curiouscurious

You know that game where you have to figure out what a picture is when the show up a zoomed in portion of it? Well, here's my version of it. Enjoy :)


Is it
A: A supermodels breakfast
B: Cow diahrrea
C: Cottage Cheese and Peach Juice
D: DISGUSTING! But I want some :)

Is it
A: Spaghetti and Meatballs
B: Alpo Canned Dog Food
C: Maggots and larva in a gore-blood mix
D: DISGUSTING! But I want some :)

Is it
A: Some Italian dudes vomit after a few too many drinks
B: Broccoli Ravoli with Tomato Sauce
C: What happens when you microwave a barbie doll
D: DISGUSTING! But I want some :)

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(no subject)

Oct. 8th, 2006 | 12:45 pm

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

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Barf day before birthday

Oct. 7th, 2006 | 10:18 pm
mood: sicksick

So first thing this morning, Korben throws up. Nice way to start the day. At least we all slept in until 9, which was very nice cause Rain never sleeps that late. So Korben doesn't eat all day and just lays on the couch watching Noggin until 230 when he asks for a PBandJ. He takes 4 bites. 45 minutes later he throws up again. This time however, he decided it was important to turn the TV off before going to the bathroom. So he is gagging and holding his mouth shut with one hand while turning the TV off with the other. Needless to say I spent the next 30 minutes claening the bathroom and carpet outside the bathroom door.

I got tons of stuff in the mail today. 2 huge boxes from Rena with Korben and Rain's birthday stuff plus some goodies for me :) I got a free Contact Care kit which I was so happy to get now that I finally have contacts again. I also got some teaching kit about aersols, which I don't remember sending away for.

Korben's cake is so cute, there will be pictures tomorrow, except they spelled his name wrong. They did Corbin. I wasn't in the mood to bitch and it's not like he will notice so I just took it and left.

I dont' feel to great right now. I hope I didn't get what Korben had. I have to hang streamers and a balloon garland all over the house. Ray is going to run out tomorrow morning to get him some balloons from the store. Korben asked for waffles and bacon for his birthday lunch. I just hope he *and I* feel good enough to be able to eat it.

I am going to go lay down and watch Ugly Betty and Survivor. I hope I feel better afterwards so I can hang his party decor up.

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